Campaign run by Otto the Bugbear - Our misadventures begin as thus.

Starring:

• Tyrel - Human Negotiator and "Handler" of fine goods (of course always for the cause)
• Ula - Large She-Hulk Barbarian whose pick-up lines include such gems as, "Why are you afeared of me?"
• Siryn - A low-grade warrior warlock of minimal power.
• Corey - Large Hulk Barbarian whose wisdom is even less than his self-control. (However he makes a nice pin cushion)
• Keith - A male evoker of noble lineage whose idea of safety is joing our ragtag group of adventurers.
• Terra - A female warrior whose love of ass, I mean her donkey, has led to more speculation than the 49er gold rush.
• Rollie - A halfling friar of "Myrth" god of food, drink and merriment. "May the Myrth be with YOU!!!"

Otto's rules for easy living (and dieing): Rule Modifications

Konnor's poem after Rollie loses a lot of money to Aldem, a halfing tavern owner, who convinced him to gamble.

The short one tried the dice,
And then he tried the cards.
He played in front of the mice,
He played in front of the bards.

He thought he could beat the dealer,
He believed his faith would save the day,
He became quite the wheeler,
Until the dealer began to play.

Then the money started to go,
Faster and faster and faster,
His luck began to blow,
And then came the disaster.

A true tale of our time in the city and such, by Rollie Rumbottom

  Given the vagaries and biases of dwarven memory, prosperity demands that the record of our travels be set straight - halfling straight and no less! 
  So, where to start . . .  Ah, yes - things improved dramatically when I finally arrived in the city with my numerous friends from Tarn.  I thought this to be a very auspicious occasion worthy of celebration.  Finally, we had arrived at a place with satisfactory food and drink.  Many of my fellows felt the same.
  Nonetheless, as may be expected of big folk, they were in a rather lousy mood when we arrived and wanted to nothing more than strut about and complain about their lots in life.  Thankfully, I was there to cheer the big ones up quite a bit and, glory to Myrthe, I received many a cheer and hooray in this regard.
  However, due to some particularly sour ones among us and some poor planning by the big folk of the city, we were immediately housed in the most inauspicious of venues, namely, the local army barracks.  The food was poor and there was little good drink to be had - obviously, this situation needed remedying.
  Of course, I took it upon myself to make the proper arrangements for food and drink, as I found a proper halfing-run establishment not far away.  Of course, this would have been a perfect outing for the big folk children, as they are the least poorly disposed of their kind, but, alas, this was not to be.  Old Syren  thought this not the proper place for cultivating of child virtue.  What a shame, although we did get in a very good game of tag.   
  Now during this time, some of the sour big folk were "busy" strutting about and talking of all manner of wagons and horses.  This whole affair was generally a giant waste of time and very little good ever came of it.  But I,knowing big folk feel better when they muddle about and talk of such things, felt it best to let them go on their way. 
  Meanwhile, I made the proper arrangements for the festivities and made many unsuccessful attempts, through no fault of my own, to procure a suitable companion for the strong one named Ula.  I have become convinced that big folk are in a constant process of getting ready or getting unready, but rarely do they ever muster sufficient readiness or unreadiness to have much fun at all. 
  Given that my particular talents were required for games of chance, I endeavored in this regard with great success.  Of course, Myrthe in his wisdom believed that gold for horses would never come of any good, so he made sure that the gold that was given went to fun and drinks instead.  Now, even though we had a splendid night with much merrymaking and fun had by all, the sour ones, particulary, Tyrel, became very long in the face at the lack of gold for horses.  Imagine that!  What a waste, but big folk can't be helped some times.  So I, knowing that big folk fancy such things, tossed a coin to Konnor so that the whole hohum horse matter could be resolved.
  Now late that night I fell asleep in a very fine room at the tavern.  I slept especially well knowing that the tavern owner an Syren had made arrangements for all our friends to have good food and drink at the barracks.  Hopefully the big folk children got some good drink as well.
  The next day started very poorly, as the big ones trespassed into my private room well before noon, at dawn no less, demanding my pleasant company on another journey.  Now, I was just about to say that enough was enough, but I knew they would be even more sour and glum without me along; so, I relented.  All was not lost, however, as the tavern owner assured me that the remaining half of my stay at the tavern would be saved for pending my return.  Jolly good halfing.
  Fortunatley, I caught a good bit of sleep, at least between frequent draughts of dwarven beer, while riding on the party wagon procured by the big folk.  Yes, a party wagon!  I thought some of them might finally be coming along.  However, I would add that the whole wagon affair has been dreadfully mismanaged, as they seem intent on driving the wagon all over the countryside where very few people are to be found.  You'll never have much fun that way.  Oh well - we must be patient- but I'm happy to report that the beer was quite good.
  Now eventually we came in a good bit of thick brush and wood and had a run about with some rather nasty wild dog men and green big folk - Orcs I believe.  I wouldn't invite those nasty ones to anything.  The whole affair was quite disappointing, as the big folk only wished to fight and quarrel - fortunately, we proved the stronger.  Afterwards, with my good cheer and the blessings of Myrthe, we felt quite ready to get on with things again.  Now, hopefully, we can get on to the party, as I am very hungry.
  Merrily yours,
Rollie Rumbottom         

My memory is just fine, Rollie, but I admit to some bias as a dwarf. So as a skald, I raise a cheer and a flagon to your retelling of our tale. This is as it should be!


Indeed, Rollie, they were in a rather lousy mood. My ever optimistic self felt severely challenged by their dour spirits. It is good you are along with us in our travels for otherwise I think that I should lose my optimism to this pessimistic "realism" they keep subscribing to. It is depressing indeed.


Now, the wagon and the horse have served us as a party wagon, so give them credit for making our travel easier as we were able to ride and drink and tell tales. As far as this being busy all the time, I agree, these folks need to learn how to slow down sometimes and enjoy the moment.


Tyrel is only human. He's got to be taught and trained. How many years of life did he go through being taught the pessimistic ways of the humans? Look at him as a work in progress. He's had many, many years of bad training. As has Syren. It's going to take us some time to re-train him. It's not as easy as training a child because we must first unlearn him of all his bad ways. That's easier said than done. But if our will is up to it, we will be victorious... if we don't kill him first! But then that would be a rousing tale by which to eat good food and imbibe good drink to, so even that wouldn't be a total loss.


They were ready to go and you think I would leave without you? Come on now, I did not want to face this group without some cheer. I wasn't going to get it from the others, so I had no choice but to wake you.


Not to mention we're supposed to be saving people from the orcs. That's a noble and heroic quest if ever there was one. So I agree that thus far our progress has been disappointing.

Look, Siryn, the way your name is spelled in halfling is Syren. So get over yourself. It's not like you stood and fought when we were engaged by those orcs. I've seen dwarven whelps barely able to hold an axe stand braver than you, you scrawny knucklehead excuse for an adventurer? Me thinks you graduated from the ignoble school of Sir Robin.

Meanwhile, Konnor, in a drunken stupor keeps mumbling about the legislature among the gods shifting the hours of the sun. It'll all be over soon... it'll all be over soon...

Our stay in Kellet was once again wrought with turmoil and intrigue.

Rollie our 'intrepid' cleric worked his lil halfling mojo to conjour up a party, the likes of which Kellet had never seen.

How he pulled the resources out of his Myrthe ladden behind is beyond me.

Irregardless I saw the resources of our part once again going down the tube and knew that without gainful employment we (or at least Rollie) would be stone cold broke.

Hence I made the rounds and consulted with the retired adventure Nobleman Zarr Bavorica.  Taking pity upon future plight he gave upon our group a charter to clear the northern mountain ranges of a tribe of kobolds and investigate the rumors of "much larger" creatures.

So one major party and drunk cleric of Myrthe later, I put on my "dancing" shoes to convince my reticent companions of a new adventure to partake.

Off to the Mountains.

Yes the cleric griped the whole way and lo the elf was as surley as hemorroid laden badger, luckily the rest of the party was suspicious so everything was par for the course. 

AMBUSH!!!

In the night (its always the night) we were set upon by lil kobold buggers. Ula seemed to take inordinate pleasure is single handedly slaughtering the majority of them.

Morning came and we found the cavern from whence the our adversaries came. Girded for battle we prepared to enter the caverns; However, we came across another traveler, an elf.

He seem a bit distant, however, his information led us upon a new path towards larger "game".

Up the Mountain.

We entered up the mountain ravine and came upon a mouth of cavern.

Thus our "adventure" begins.

Into the mouth of hell we went... brave, fearless (well except for the sniveling cleric and acid mouthed warlock) our first encounter involved the magical core of the kobold horde.  Fireworks and enchantments flew round and round however our might was too much for them to overcome.

VICTORY #1.

Onward Bound...

Our eagle eyed scout Terra found the 1st pit trap of the day.

*SPLOOSH*

Luckily her fall was broken by the water, and the 3 undead skeletons waiting at the bottom. Hilarity and combat ensured again and once again we were triumphant.

Onward Bound...

We entered into a feeding ground were our first major adversary was encountered.  A fearsome beast of horns and hoof wielding a Greatsword and Straight Edge.  I felt of mighty blow against my couragous body. Gravely injured I could but watch in injured agony as my companions rallied to my defense and after a terrific fight our foe was slain.

Beef Steaks all around.

We should have known better than to continue.  Rollie's stomach was already giving the rumbles of Myrthe but we pressed on.

Onward Bound.

All looked clear until once again our eagle eyed scout set off another trap.

AMBUSH!!

Missile Fire rained down on us an enemy of undetermined origin attacked us. Our fighter corp pressed forwards proceeding over broken and treacherous ground to assail our enemies.

I nimbly picked my way through the carnage in order to get a better view of our enemy.

I massive hairy beast whose appearance bore that of a humanoid wolf. Using new acquired weapons and my superior magical might we laid lo our Wolfen aggressor.

Victory was ours.

*Insert FFVII Theme*

We left the caverns with our spoils of war and in the morning set our path of returing to our fair city of Kellet.