Ok, first off, this is not a guide for Massively Multiplayer Online (hence called: MMO) veterans and online gamers. This guide is written for the individual who has finally gotten his or her first taste of the online experience either via a child’s Xbox or Xbox360 and MS Live or, maybe, someone who got a computer for "work" and acquired high-speed internet.
 

So there you are… you’ve seen the South Park episode, you’ve heard some of your IT staff make jokes about “PKing some Newb”.  You’ve missed out on the whole “EverQuest” fad. However now you say to yourself “No Longer!” You want to get out there and join the MMO revolution and prove that you’re “hip” to the ways of the MMO world... Then reality hits. "WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?". The internet and MMO’s, in particular, can be a violent and unfriendly place for neophytes (hence forth called newbies). This is a crossing point in your online life.

You take the blue pill… you can ignore the MMO world and remain in blissful ignorance forever.

     or

You can take the red pill… and see how much of your life can be squandered away in happy online reverie.

Prep work:

So what to do and buy…

1. Take pictures of your spouse and/or significant other and any children you may have.
2. Get a lovely frame that will sit on top of your monitor and add the pictures to it.
3. Look at the pictures periodically so you’ll remember what they look like.
4. Buy a set of headphones with a microphone boom and inline volume control. (Ask any sales rep at Best Buy *shiver*, CompUSA, Circuit City and they should be able to help you.)
5. Claim the most comfortable office chair as your new PC throne. (You're going to be in that chair in while… better make it comfy).

Next… its time to go CSI: MMO.

Find out which games your coworkers and friends play, ask around and, mostly, listen.Gamers and MMO people have a penchant for hanging around together.   Think of them like cockroaches: if you find one then there's normally another one near by.

Learn the terminology

Every game is different; however, MMO terminology remains, relatively, the same.Any time to need to find information on something you know NOTHING about… try WIKI . In fact, going to any search engine and typing “wiki <name of subject>” has a reasonable chance of pulling up some viable information. In this case, you want to use the wiki for MMORPG information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MMORPG

Read the WIKI, learn the history, and get yourself familiarized with the terminology that will be bandied about as you make your initial online foray.

Note of Caution: Learning the terminology doesn’t mean you should use it. Nothing is sadder than watching an online newbie slaughtering the online language.  It would be the equivalent of taking a rapper from Philadelphia and placing him in Bel Air with a rich uncle and upper class kids.

Next… its time to go: Commando

You’ve talked to your friends. You’ve learned enough basic terminology to not embarrass yourself.  Now it’s time to make the decision. Which game do I play? For that I would say, "Consult the experts."  

You will need to visit gaming websites that cater to the MMO audience.Doing searches for terms like: MMORPG or MMORPG <Game you heard about> should help in your search.For ease of reference I have included a link to MMORPG. Its sole function is to list all MMO’s currently in operation.  Its ranking system and comments may not be of the finest caliber, but its close enough to get you, the newb, enough information to get started.

http://www.mmorpg.com

Once you have decided on your game, refine your search engine searches.  Go to the MMO website, and read its online community forums.MMO community forums are critical in determining the type of community you will be dealing with once you are in game.

As I once read on a business card:

"The shit rises to the top, and then everybody else gets in line to kiss their ass."

The MMO community forums are the havens for the most outspoken individuals. This can be good or bad. If you find yourself reading a vast sea of rantings, complaints, and, overall, online bashing, you can assume that if you purchase that game, the online community will replicate that attitude. While this is a broad generalization, my experience has shown to be more right than wrong.  As a neophyte, you will want a community that is nurturing and supportive.  After all, this will be your first online experience.

Think of it this way. Would you have wanted your first sexual encounter broadcast on ABC, during the Superbowl, at Halftime? Or, would you rather have Halle Berry/<or insert some dude appealing to females> take you to a private and secure bungalow and teach you the ways of sexual ecstasy? Needless to say, if join a MMO and your first encounter is with a bunch of jackoffs, your whole MMO view may be forever tainted.

Next… its time to go:  Matrix… Online even

You have done your research...
You have picked up your basic terminology...
You have learned a little about your chosen MMO Community...

Now you can find and purchase your game.

I would STRONGLY suggest seeing if the MMO you desire has a, free, 7-14 day trial period. While uber MMO’s, like World of Warcraft, won’t offer such a carrot and stick approach, 99% of the other MMO’s will. Download and install the game client following your MMO’s handy dandy instructions. This will be your gateway into a new world… a new consciousness… a new avatar of POWER!.

Use your initial grace time to play every single character / race / archetype you can find.
Do not,  I repeat, DO NOT listen to other veterans who wish to “guide” you into a certain class.   You’re the one coughing up cash… make this first character however you see fit (in the MMO world you can always make more).  Your primary focus, in the creation of your character, is to look cool… and have fun. Ignore comments that contain the word "gimped." Your first character, by definition, is going to be gimped. Leonardo DaVinci didn’t create the Mona Lisa on his first try so don’t try and be "perfect."  Instead, strive to have "fun."

Do not try and role play or power game (an advanced topic that you will learn later). Your main goals are:

• Learn the environment of the game your in.
• Learn all applicable game mechanics necessary to make yourself comfortable
• Meet other newbies (although 98% of the time they are veterans re-rolling a new character). 

Think of it like Jedi training… I mean Luke didn’t do so well when his newbie ass tried to take on Darth Vader. You now have a layman’s direction for the non-initiated to go, find, and join a MMORPG.Enjoy the last moments of your "real" life… the MMO god’s will soon have you.

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